I am relieved....

Well, I had a long conversation with her in her office at work, which was kind of uncomfortable given that colleagues could come in anytime.

I really tried to explain myself and was very emotional. She is going to see her boyfriend (who lives out of town) this weekend, and I think that this triggered another thought process in me, and so I came closer to realizing the full potential of my emotions.

The talk itself was kind of inconclusive, as we had to leave for other appointments. I asked her to see may later in the evening, but she explained that she couldn't see me - or didn't want to see me.

And then she called! We meet in a bar and had a very long, very deep conversation. This was probably the first time that we saw each other without having sex. And it was almost as wonderful to just talk to her than to having sex with her. Of course, with my newsly discovered emotions, I would have loved to touch her, kiss her, feel her.... but simply talking to her was great.

We talked a bit about our relationship, and we agreed that the right thing to do was to simply stop seeing each other - but that we both at this point in time were unable to not see each other. I was relieved....

She said that she doesn't really know whether she loves her boyfriend, but that he loves her, and that she very much enjoys the feeling of being loved and cared for... And that's something I've never been able to give her, and something that I won't really be able to give her for some more time....

Because I fisrt need to look at my current relationship. I've got to admit that if I didn't have a daughter, I would probably end my relationship soon - or better: immediately. The emotions that I have for this woman are simply too deep. But I do have a daughter, which means that I have a responsibility toward her. And therefore I need to give my current relationship a chance, figure out what's wrong, and see whether it can be fixed....

Though I've got to admit that on one level of my conciousness, I don't want to "fix" it. This woman is amazing, and I simply want to be with her. And yes, I can imagine being with her for a long time... well, it's something that you can never tell, but I have this gut feeling....