Yes, it's over...

... let's really face it:

Why has she been avoiding me for the past few weeks?

Because she fears that she actually does know what love is, and that she would realize that she is in love with me.

So she has to make a choice: Does she want to find out what this love is about, or does she prefer the security that she currently has with her boyfriend?

Well, she prefers the security, which I think is actually not much of a security. Fact is: He's 17 years older and lives in a different city. So unless he moves here or she moves there, it will remain a weekend relationship - and in the end not give her what she needs. Or she discovers that there might be other reasons than "love" that make him interested in her... Though I don't hope that this will happen. Even if she gets disappointed again, I hope that she won't have a reason to loose trust.

But in the end: Why do I care? Yes, I know why I care: Because I love her. But I shouldn't.

We agreed to meet next Tuesday, but I know think that it is not a good idea - what good would it do us? I would hope that she'd change her mind - but I know that she won't - her need for "security" is too great.... And: Would I be able to trust her if she changed her mind? I don't know - I lost a lot of trust last week, and she would need to fight for me to show me that I can still trust her. But I cannot see that she would do that.

So it's over.

OK, I'll now focus on improving my relationship with my wife. No time & space anymore to think about a love that never had any chance. I wish she'd had more courage. but I cannot change this.

So I'll now finally say goodbye to my love - and that's it.

No, that's not it: I know that I still hope that she'll somehow realizes what she's doing and fights for me - but what are the chances for that?

Forget about it, it won't happen.... So I'll really need to forget her, because as long as I have any feelings left for her, I won't be able to give up hope....