I am now sitting at home at the computer. I really miss her - my affair.... She was supposed to be at her boyfriends' place until today, but I've heard from a colleague that she's sick. And she's only out "sick" when she's really sick. So I suppose that she didn't go to her boyfriend's place - perhaps he came to her place? Or she was alone all weekend? I wish she would have sent me an SMS - I could have gone by to be with here - make her a tea and so on - you know, the things you do for someone who is sick....
And of course I wonder: Why didn't she tell me? Does she not want to have any contact with me? Well, you may say: Jonny Feel Good was afraid of these things before, and then everything turned out ok... But nevertheless, I am worried! I am really not sure about her feelings - it simply kills me!
So what about my wife? Well, I don't know. I've seen her only briefly today, and she's really trying... can we reconnect? Can we fall in love again? Do I want to fall in love again? I don't know. At the moment, I believe that I don't want to fall in love again, that I would just like to move out and be together with my affair...
Oh, have I told you? I am going on a business trip next week, and I've asked my affair to come with me. She hasn't yet agreed to it; all she said was that she's really enjoy it... but that was all... I think this indicates again that she does like me, but that she wants to avoid any deeper feelings.
Problem is: I do really need to know these deeper feelings - I need to know whether they are there or not....
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