Somehow I feel that I don't - well, I do, but it doesn't seem to change anything. I am really trying to work on my relationship with my wife, but the more or try, the less optimistic I am.
I am trying to get my affair out of my head, but the more I try, the more I become aware of my emotions towards her.
I am hoping that my affair decides that what we have is worth the risk, but I also don't have the feeling that I am getting anywhere there.
I am sitting at home, and all I'd like to do is go by her place or at least call her to hear her voice. But I am not sure that she'd like that. I am not sure that she likes any of the small things that I do for her - I think that all this achieves is just to annoy her.
I am wondering: Why did she decide to go with me on this business trip? A few final days to let me down more easily? That's my fear - but I don't think so. She wouldn't do that. But why then? To simply enjoy the time? Perhaps, but I am not sure. Too many emotions involved to simply have a nice time. No, I really think that she is coming because she wants to see what this is about, she wants to give it a chance.... this would be great, though I have the feeling that I'll be losing out - there's this vicious circle, and I haven't found a way out of it... I wish she would tell me what I can do to give us a chance...
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