My best friend came over on Friday, and we went out for a beer. Obviously, we talked about the one subject. She was quite concerned that I haven't moved anywhere during the past week, and that I am still as confused.
Then she asked me a very important question: Do I love my wife? And my answer was: No! That's tricky, isn't it? And yes, the answer was honest, but it creates more questions than answers. Why do I feel that I don't love her anymore? Can anything be done about it? If I in fact don't love her anymore, when did I fall out of love? And why was it possible for me to stay with her?
On Saturday, we stayed home, and my wife and I had good sex - it was better than in a long time, though still nothing comparable to what I am experiencing with my affair. Not in terms of techniques - simply in terms of emotional intimacy. But it was obvious that my wife was trying.
Yesterday though, I got disappointed again. I made some references about having a nice evening again, and she got completely upset, said that there seems to be only one thing that I can think of, and this is too much pressure for her. She asked me to put less pressure on her, if that was at all possible. But that's the problem: I can't. I feel that we do not have much time left.
Today I am at work again, and my affair is still with her boyfriend. I do miss her!
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