Good news: My affair and I met yesterday evening. She was sick, but still agreed that we needed to talk. And it was a very nice talk. Gosh, she looks gorgeous even when she’s sick….. and I do really believe that I love her.
She was very hesitant. She said again that she really doesn’t know…. And that she’s very afraid of being the reasons for me breaking up my marriage. She said that if I broke up with my wife, I should be prepared to not see her for a long time. She wants to make sure that everything I do I should do because I want to do it, not because I want her….
It’s a fair thought – but it’s wrong. Of course, whatever I do I will to a certain extent do for her – or better: I will do to be with her. It’s not only about whether or not I want to continue my present relationship; it’s also about starting a relationship with her.
Gosh, I hope that I can manage to go through this without breaking… My affair told me that she was going to see her boyfriend this weekend – and will stay until Monday. I am jealous, and I would not want her to see her boyfriend at all….
Today I went with my wife to a therapist. She’s been seeing her for a few weeks, but after what I’ve told her she said that it would be good if we both saw the therapist.
We had a very good discussion. We boiled it down again to the fact that my wife can’t connect to me on an emotional level – or at least not in a way that I would understand. Now we’re supposed to do some exercises to help us reconnect…. It’s a good thing, but somehow I have the feeling that it is too late…. And when I then hear the therapist say that this will be a long process, I am not sure whether I can go through a long process.
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