How am I?

Well, not too bad.... I went out on Friday evening with a friend.... and one thing that was really good was that I could verify the conclusion I reached the day before: I don't seem to be interested in one-night stands anymore....

I got pretty drunk, and we met some other people - and I wasn't interested at all in any of the women there - not that I know whether I'd had any chances, but I wasn't even interested in finding out. Very good! Was kind of a relief - and made me feel free... I really think that I am not interested in sex unless it provides me also with intimacy - and I cannot get that from some random one-night stand.

The bad thing was that I felt this urge for intimacy, so I send a SMS to my affair - which I shouldn't have, because it violates our agreement to be considerate of each others relationship - and her boyfrined was with her... hope it didn't cause any trouble... but I missed her, and I was jealous....

Not surprisingly, I didn't get any response....

Though I am still unclear what my affair is up to.... so, we decided last week to meet tomorrow.... then at the end of last week, she asked me whether we can meet on Thursday instead, which is not that good for me.... I asked her whether we should meet on Friday, since she said that she would be available then, and since I am also available, it might be a better date.... she didn't respond... I sent her an e-mail again today, and still no response... what's more: We wanted to have a cig break together on Friday, but she couldn't make it - was too busy, and I assume that she then had to hurry to meet her boyfriend... so I'd hoped that she'd call me today - but nothing....

Well, what can I do? I know that I cannot bother her as much as I did in the past, that I need to give her the space that she requires...

Otherwise, the weekend was ok... had a nice evening with my wife on Saturday, though then on Sunday I couldn't get my affair out of my head....