Good-bye

Ok, this is probably my last post - it seems as if the situation is at it is, and I don't think anymore that it will change again.

I am very sure of my feelings for my affair, there are as strong and intense as ever - though I will never have the option to figure out whether there's more to it. I am still fairly confident that she has the same feelings, but at the same time she seems to be sure that she doesn't want anything to do with me.... for reasone mentioned before. And it doesn't appear as if she's ever going to change her mind....

So be it. It is out of my hands.

I am now focusing on my relationship with my wife. There have been some improvements, and I am pretty sure that it will further improve. I don't think that it will improve to a point where I can see that I am really happy, but I think it can improve to a point at which I'll feel comfortable - or at least will not feel unhappy.

And if this in fact happens, I will obviously continue my relationship and try to be as best of a husband and father as a can - I know the pitfalls of being single, and being single usually means that you're not happy. And having a relationship in which I am "comfortable" is difficult enough to achieve.

If I had the option between my wife and my affair, and wouldn't know what to choose - or better: I do think I would know, but I would first need to find out more to ensure that it could last. But this option is not available.

But at last, I am at peace with myself. I trust that my higher power watches over me - and if I am meant to stay with my wife - so be it. If I am meant to find happiness with my affair, then we will get together sometime.